It ain't me

I love this series of images of Clint from our vay-cay for many reasons. It is not too often that we get to just have fun...I know that this is a long post and runs the risk of being TMI... So proceed with caution!

I have 10 reasons to feel completely overwhelmed this week but instead I have been given a strong sense of peace. I know that it is not me. It is my heavenly father pouring out His grace on me once again. Me, His undeserving, ragamuffin, earthly, fleshy creation. He is hearing my families prayers for me to not be a wreck too. Sometimes, my most wonderful blessings (my photography business and the ability to stay at home with James Henry) can get out of balance and quickly become yucky, sin-infested curses. With the proper perspective I am reminded that having so much work to finish this week is a good thing, and having to stop my work to tend to James Henry is a great thing. That is the whole point of me working at home isn't it? So that I can be my son's primary care taker. I thank the Lord for that every day.

Balancing my new work and role as a mom is h-a-r-d and I fall short daily. I tell that because lately, I have received many undeserving compliments. Several friends have said, "I just don't have it together enough to do what you do." Let me assure you, I am far from "having it together"... A few examples:

- One recent morning, I put four scoops of formula in the coffee maker...

-Buddy ran out of dog food and so I filled his bowl with treats feeling guilty that I did not have time to go to the store.

-I went outside in my undies completely forgetting that pants are necessary.

I recieved an e-mail this week from a friend of a friend praising my ability to balance work and family so well. I read it and honestly thought it to be a joke! I laughed out loud, and then called Clint in the room to read it. He had a good laugh too. I tell that not to shame the well-meaning e-mail. It was really sweet. It is just hilarious to me that I manage to give that impression. Through this blog, I am able to share some great images of good times and paint any picture of our family that I want. I mean, I don't usually blog about forgetting my pants. Don't get me wrong, we have a wonderful family and we love each other very much. It's just that it is NOT me. It is the good Lord pouring out his grace EVERY DAY. It is new, and different, faithful, and sufficient every day. Believe me, I need a LOT of grace. Today, I waited in line at the emissions testing station for over an hour with James Henry and Buddy in the back of the wagon. When I finally reached the front of the line, I realized that I did not have my wallet! URGH! All that waiting for nothing?! The technician was gracious and kind enough to do my testing and allow me to come back and pay later- Thank God! Literally, thank God. It is that kind of grace that I am able to even remotely keep it together. The other day at a session, I arrived late. I almost ran out of gas (after driving all over creation from being lost) and my camera battery died mid-way through our shoot. That sweet family, offered me lunch as we waited for my battery to charge and even followed me to the gas station to fill up. Thank God!

Know who gives me the most grace, day after day? That would be Clint. He cooks, cleans, takes care of James Henry, walks Buddy and picks up any other slack that I leave around the house while finishing my photography work. That is all after coming home from working his "day job". I was particularly moved by a friends blog recently when she wrote about a similar topic. She confessed, "I am more dependant on coffee than God." Well, I am right there with you sister. I felt very convicted by that. I am the same way, and rely entirely too much on my "self", to get the job done. I write all this to say that I am a BIG mess. Don't let my cutesy blog fool you. I am an undeserving mess, but with God pouring his grace on me, an amazing husband and these "angels" all over town, I may get to live this dream a little longer.